<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Fear by YourWriter</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27147163">Fear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourWriter/pseuds/YourWriter'>YourWriter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>? - Freeform, A piece of life, Idk how to tag again, M/M, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, That's it, about a commitment hater, bye, changing, idk - Freeform, just a one shot, just kidding, maybe? - Freeform, ngl this feels like how my essay would look, that also doesn't like promises, very fast-paced, what is this, yeah - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:02:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27147163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourWriter/pseuds/YourWriter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fear. It's what makes man limited. Makes man bound only to a certain place. </p><p>It's what blanketed Beomgyu since he'd learned to understand a few things here and there. Since his mom told him the world's full of uncertainty. That he shouldn't settle for something that he can't guarantee he could be with forever. And that's how he lives and will live.</p><p>Or so he thought.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>HI OMG I HATE SCHOOL.</p><p>Anyways it's so long since I wrote/publish and I'm just taking a break from a weeklong exam because I can't really bare to not write at all! And I also want to apologize to those people who were looking out for the series I was writing because I suddenly went MIA my gosh. </p><p>So here I am, offering you a not-so coherent one shot I wrote on a night before my English exam because wbk, my brain only works when it comes to ideas like these. It's not very vivid like how I wanted it to be, I don't know why but here it is anyway!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Commitment. Eeeuuh. Such a scary word. Promise? Eeeuuh, scary too! So big and broad of a topic a day won't be enough to talk about it. Not like a certain person's willing enough, has the time and patience and capacity to do so, and listens to someone have their piece about 'commitment' nor do he have the energy to articulate his thoughts and pour out into one magnificent phrase that's good enough to change one's life. Nah, not really, no thanks.<br/>
<br/>
Have you ever wondered why we need such things though? Why is it such a big deal to label every relationship as it is when you're with someone? It's an absurd thought and mindset really, because for Pete's sake there's too much of a reason around why commitment's a thing!<br/>
<br/>
Commitment to work, career, passion. Those are the acceptable ones. But dedicating half of your time to someone who you're not sure that will be your end game? Not really, at least not to him. Well, whose him by the way?<br/>
<br/>
Introducing Choi Beomgyu of class 4-Alexandrite. The human embodiment of dedication, bravery, loudness and the biggest hater of commitment.<br/>
<br/>
If you're asking, was he born this way? Certainly not. He could peek through the caverns of his brain and he'll see the resentful act of him, promising a ridiculous proclamation of being a slave forever until the Sun reaches its final stage and explode and become a massive blackhole that'll eat us all.<br/>
<br/>
...<br/>
<br/>
Well, not really, if he can remember clearly, it's just a dumb promise of being by someone's side in sadness or happiness, he can't clearly remember who but he doesn't care anymore. He's 21 now, graduating from college next year, a fully grown functioning human being, really far from that fragile boy who used to go around and promise people things he probably couldn't even think about in his current age, let alone be fulfilled at a younger age.<br/>
<br/>
He just grew into it. Not being able to say the word promise neither commit himself on one thing to one person. He'd rather be alone than spend his whole life with someone not guaranteed that would be the one who he could and is supposed to be the one he'll spend his lifetime on Earth. It's a horrible thing really, but it's what his mother had planted inside his brain.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Don't settle for the unknown.</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>Don't risk anything for someone you can't guarantee forever with.</em><br/>
<br/>
Perhaps it was the old age, whispering to her, or maybe it was the experience, of marrying at the early age of eighteen and having a kid at the age of twenty, said kid dying unexpectedly and the same story with the second one, and then the miracle one arrived when his mother was at the age of forty, which happened to be Beomgyu, the less of an embodiment of a not perfect child, then being left alone by her husband for another family after a year of being happy. Her mother turned cold. Withered and caved. She didn't want to risk anything anymore. Not promising anything to anyone, even to her child. Always the mark of sadness, stoic and 'do not risk anything at all if you're not sure!'. It was rather a scary feeling. Knowing your mother's scared of it, the one who's seen the world longer than you did. Of course, you weren't taught to brave the unknown so you learn to adapt.<br/>
<br/>
And that's exactly what Beomgyu did. He didn't want to be left alone like his mother. Doesn't want to lose anyone special to him like how his mother lost two children and a husband, that's why he barely makes friends. Barely attach himself to anything, to anyone.<br/>
<br/>
It was tough. But it was life. When was life easy? Beomgyu never really understood people who say 'life is easy, it's just you who's making it complicated' because literally? How are you making your own life miserable? Yes, you're making it more emotional and eventful but it's not just you who's giving you headaches and the likes. Who gives you assignments? Projects? Tasks? Problems? Was it you? No, it's not you, it's other people too. Saying, 'it's up to you whether you'll make it complicated or do it as soon as possible so your agony would be over' hephephephep! It's not the same for every person and Beomgyu, a man full of reasons, you certainly cannot argue with him without receiving a mouthful of reasoning and purpose that will bend yours. I mean, that's like his brain's main function. Eeehh.<br/>
<br/>
Oh! One more thing before this whole pep talk or some kind of seminar or whatever, introduction if you might want to call it, Beomgyu's not a terrible person. Not at all, he knows that sympathy and empathy are brothers.<br/>
<br/>
...<br/>
<br/>
We're they? Anyways! Was it mentioned when's the period of time when Beomgyu started to be like that? Not yet? Well, he was that stone of a person, harder than a diamond when he comes to the argument of commitment and creating nonsense—er—promises. You know how in the movies, when a badass character was present, there's always the angel character who's going to change the life of the other, it's the same for him. Almost.<br/>
<br/>
It started on a day of pulling an all nighter and then sipping a four shots espresso down to the bottom. Going overboard are we? But it was what he needed, exams are the next day and he's such a twat to disregard his role as a student to review earlier, so that's how he pulled an all nighter.<br/>
<br/>
He was sitting on one of the cafe's tables, murmuring to himself the lessons he finished studying about two hours ago when a pink haired man stood before his table.<br/>
<br/>
"Yes?" He said groggily. The pink haired man smiled at him and Beomgyu swore it was the caffeine making his heart beat oh-so fast!<br/>
<br/>
"Is this seat free?"<br/>
<br/>
Is what free? Beomgyu didn't catch the last words the other said as the cafe started to get crowded by loud students.<br/>
<br/>
"Yes, I'm free." He said dumbly and then stupidly blushed as soon as he realized what he said.<br/>
<br/>
"Oh really?" The man said, still wearing that lippy smile Beomgyu was getting shaken about.<br/>
<br/>
"Yeah." Dumb decision to answer again!<br/>
<br/>
"I'm Yeonjun." Said the other and extended his hand. Beomgyu stared stupidly at the hand before taking it five seconds later. "And you are?"<br/>
<br/>
"Yeonjun—" Beomgyu's hand flew over his mouth in shock of what he just said. "I mean, I'm Beomgyu, you're Yeonjun and my name is Beomgyu, nice to meet you." He said awkwardly.<br/>
<br/>
"Exams?"<br/>
<br/>
"Huh?"<br/>
<br/>
"You're taking exams?"<br/>
<br/>
Beomgyu nodded at the question.<br/>
<br/>
Silence followed as Beomgyu watched the other watch him.<br/>
<br/>
"You said you're free?" Yeonjun asked, taking the drink to his lips.<br/>
<br/>
Beomgyu blushed and felt humiliated but nodded nonetheless.<br/>
<br/>
"Then, how about we meet here two days after your exam, at seven in the evening. Only if you passed, and if you just want to." Yeonjun said smiling as he stood and walked away from the cafe.<br/>
<br/>
Beomgyu was left dumbfounded.<br/>
<br/>
Then a week later, he found himself having a dreadful time inside his dorm. Grieving about the placements of everything and that's when he remembered the stranger's offer to him.<br/>
<br/>
Though he was having two thoughts about it. Because when did he ever get interested in something? Let alone someone? The man was a stranger too, and he's asking to meet at seven in the evening if he remembers it correctly. Why at night, right? But, regardless, Beomgyu's feeling down and bored. Or that's what he wants to think and not that he really is interested in the good looking pink haired man.<br/>
<br/>
Nevertheless, he stood before the elevator, wearing his pink cardigan and cream bottoms.<br/>
<br/>
His journey to the cafe wasn't really the best. When did someone with crippling grief have the motivation to walk? That's why it's called crippling.<br/>
<br/>
He pushed open the door of the semi empty cafe and almost immediately found the pink hair he was actually looking for. But Beomgyu didn't walk over to him because he's no easy bitch. He went to the counter and ordered himself a venti Sunset Refresher.<br/>
<br/>
And then he gave up fighting with himself whether he should sit with the man or play hard to get. It's so humiliating and Beomgyu hated every bit of it.<br/>
<br/>
"Attention, I've arrived." Beomgyu said, announcing his arrival when he stood before Yeonjun's table.<br/>
<br/>
The man looked at him and smiled.<br/>
<br/>
"I didn't know you'd come." He said.<br/>
<br/>
"Don't tell me now that you were just kidding back then." Beomgyu said and took the opposite seat.<br/>
<br/>
"No, no, I was actually looking out for you." Yeonjun said, smiling shyly and he brought his drink to his lips.<br/>
<br/>
"Well I'm here now." He said and took a sip from his drink. "I'm not even supposed to be here," he whispered.<br/>
<br/>
"You didn't pass your exams?"<br/>
<br/>
"You guessed right." Beomgyu lightly chuckled.<br/>
<br/>
"I'll listen. I'll be here. Tell me how you're feeling about it and talk as long as you want."<br/>
<br/>
Beomgyu was shocked to say the least and he almost backed out. Feeling vulnerable as he felt comfortable towards a stranger.<br/>
<br/>
But needless to say, Beomgyu, the short-term strong man when it comes to dealing with feelings, gave up and vented out all the pent up anger and frustration from his guts and Yeonjun listened, eagerly and attentively, agreeing to what he was saying even if Beomgyu himself can tell he's saying something atrocious.<br/>
<br/>
Beomgyu felt comfortable. He loosened after the talk and that was the most he's ever opened up to others.<br/>
<br/>
And that was just the start. They started to meet more often and he was later on introduced to someone named Soobin. A baby giant made out of cotton, rainbows and bunnies. Beomgyu genuinely liked Soobin but that's all! Then Yeonjun treated him, to different cafes, ice cream parlors down to the street stalls sometimes with Soobin, most of the time, only the two of them and he made Beomgyu fall. The younger opposed the idea a little bit too much and hated that he was feeling those scary feelings his mother had told him to avoid.<br/>
<br/>
A little bit later, Beomgyu avoided Yeonjun which is a very frustrating phase so we're not going to talk about it anymore. Or do you want to tackle it? Right, I don't want that and you don't want that, well, most of you, I guess?<br/>
<br/>
It wasn't far too off when Yeonjun learned about his perspective of commitment and promise but the elder didn't talk him out of it. He was just that, talking to Beomgyu about it, sometimes having debates with him which Beomgyu liked the most.<br/>
<br/>
"You're going?"<br/>
<br/>
"Sure."<br/>
<br/>
"Beomgyu?"<br/>
<br/>
"Yeah yeah, I promise." It was tough to say but he was trying! At least, Yeonjun was making him try to use it. And he's still on the stage of learning, not using the word for about half his entire life and then using it just recently is really hard.<br/>
<br/>
"You know, you can just say you won't go and I won't expect you there." Yeonjun looked at him with those pretty feline eyes that never failed to melt him.<br/>
<br/>
"I'm sorry," Beomgyu said and sat beside the elder. "I'll go, I will be there. I want to see you perform and destroy that stage." He said and leaned in closer to Yeonjun who leaned back and smiled.<br/>
<br/>
It was disgusting. Beomgyu's normal reaction to literally everything and he wasn't really opposing the idea that he's feeling it now.<br/>
<br/>
And it wasn't long when Yeonjun already made him promise to everything, say that he's going to do this, he'll be here this time, that time, promise. Even got him into writing journals every time he's down and Yeonjun's not there, which is the lighter version of committing into something.  <br/>
<br/>
What did he say again? Let's rewind... Just kidding, let the writer make you remember. Beomgyu said: 'You know how in the movies, when a badass character was present, there's always the angel character who's going to change the life of the other, it's the same for him. Almost.'<br/>
<br/>
You know why almost? Because first of all, he wasn't a baddie and for the real reason which is because Yeonjun didn't change him, preferably, Yeonjun helped him be a better person rather than changing him as a whole into someone that isn't really him and Beomgyu thinks it's beautiful. Yeonjun didn't try to change him, no, the man didn't, he just showed how it is to be a person who knows commitment, who knows how to fulfill a promise and how beautiful it is to create one knowing you'll have to come back to someone's arms, warm and welcomed, Yeonjun showed him a brand new world that made him what he is now, a trying and learning person, much better than being a stuck up bitch, right?  <br/>
<br/>
Although their fate still wasn't sure, confirmed as in like those soulmates in the alternate universe, wasn't written in the books nor laid out on the table yet. Beomgyu learned to defy his own self and teach himself how to take risks, even if it's horrifying. That is because he wasn't alone anymore. He has someone who'll take it with him. Who's going to be there along with his downfall. The adventures he was missing out not taking any risks at all was a bummer but Beomgyu was thankful he didn't take risks at all, not until Yeonjun came, fortunately, or he wouldn't have known what would happen if it weren't Yeonjun.<br/>
<br/>
Eerie, deprecating and depressing when you thought of losing someone so important so precious and priceless, such a hurtful thought and scary as it may be, you wouldn't know if you'll be together at the end if you won't take the risk, put that commitment into the table, promise that you'll win and play along with the twists of life.<br/>
<br/>
"Do you know how scared I am a day after I realized I just said yes to you asking me out?" Beomgyu said once Yeonjun slept overnight at Beomgyu's dorm.<br/>
<br/>
"Is this some kind of post rejection? Are you going to say you made the wrong decision on wanting to spend a little bit part of your life with me?" Yeonjun said dramatically as he clung by Beomgyu's arm under the comforter.<br/>
<br/>
"No, no, that's not it, I just want you to know that. I have no intention of leaving you, I promise." Yeonjun smiled at what Beomgyu said, particularly to the last part.<br/>
<br/>
"Are you still scared?"<br/>
<br/>
"Yes." Beomgyu answered honestly<br/>
<br/>
"I love you, mi alma, don't worry, we'll make it work."<br/>
<br/>
Beomgyu melted. He always does.<br/>
<br/>
Beomgyu, he's a changed man you see, and he now melts when Yeonjun says such sweet words of affection, even a little 'see you again' makes his heart flutter in utter happiness, knowing someone'll be waiting for him, wanting him to be back and that. That's just pure joy Beomgyu won't trade for anything.<br/>
<br/>
Life's short and it is indeed true when people say 'life's easy, it's just you who's making it complicated' though! He still stands with his point that it's not just him that's making life more miserable than it should! Anyways! Beomgyu just wanted to say that pulling an all nighter and going to a cafe with no sleep at all and just caffeine operating your entirety is not bad at all! You should try it sometimes, maybe you'll find someone who'll ask you if the seat in front of you is free and you stupidly answering 'yes, I'm free' and then the stranger would pull out an 'okay then let's meet here on the fourth Monday of the month if you passed all your test, and if you did not, better luck next time.' And of course, you'll have to follow the pattern, you'll still go even if it's against your will and you really failed the exam. BUT PLEASE DON'T FAIL YOUR EXAM. And then the story rolls along.<br/>
<br/>
Thinking back about everything, that's when Beomgyu realized,<em> fulfilling a promise never felt that fun!</em> <em>Commitment's not so bad at all.</em><br/>
<br/>
A note from alternate universe Beomgyu here!<br/>
<br/>
From Beomgyu,<br/>
<br/>
          You're brilliant and I want you to have the love life you want but, of course there's a but, and that but is... You'll have to be a commitment hater like me! That's awful right? And of course we can't forget the most important part! Your life isn't fictional :&gt; So, go ahead, water your plants, study your lessons, do your assignments, work work work work, earn that greenie and someday you'll have the love you want :&gt; Just wait for it and don't look for it! You'll lose the thrill if you do so!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yep, that's it.</p><p>Imma go back and study my damned maths. See you again when I see you ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>